


Northern Lights

by blue_midnight_tree



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Daemons, Alternate Universe - Steampunk, Alternate Universe - Victorian, Bucky's POV, Daemons, F/M, Fluff, His Dark Materials AU, His Dark Materials Inspired, I'll update tags as I go, Light Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, Oxford College, Pining, Slow Burn, Steampunk, Victorian, eventually, well more like electric steampunk
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-02
Updated: 2018-09-02
Packaged: 2019-07-05 21:50:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15872418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blue_midnight_tree/pseuds/blue_midnight_tree
Summary: There was a moment of silence. It hung so delicately in the air, vibrating in company with the ticking of the wall clock in the room. All too quickly, he felt like it was broken.‘‘He’ll be back next year James.’’





	Northern Lights

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! i'm blue and this is my first fic. it's a bit rough around the edges and i'm still learning how to write better but I'm keen to share it with you all. I really hope you like it. It's based on the His Dark materials books and The Golden Compass movie. I'll be honest I've seen the movie a couple of times but I've never read it and sorta might not. This is an AU, so there will be similarities but really i'm using it as a basis for the idea I have. Also I'm gonna be playing around with ideas and stuff. it might not be accurate (i'll try to be) but please to don't be mean about it if I'm wrong about how stuff works. I'm also on tumblr @shipsfandomspain so come over and say hi!  
> Anyway I hope you like it!  
> P.S. Certain words are supposed to be italics at certain points(usually inner thoughts) but I can't manage to sort that. sorry about that. if someone can help me with that that would be great

Bucky sat hunched over on his seat, scribbling furiously with the quill in his hand. He had been in the library what seemed to be the better part of the morning in an effort to finish the last few pieces of his thesis. His hand ached, the pain sharp but dull. He’d gotten used to it after so many hours of work, but it was still a very solid presence when his thoughts lingered on it too long. Just a few more hours, he told himself.  
After the first hour of writing and crossing out and re-reading his essay, his table became littered with papers and research documents, books and journals filled with first hand data that he was using for reference. He had given up on the façade of neatness when his nerves began to shake with an anticipation of what the day held in store.  
Focus he told himself. You need to finish this before he gets here.  
It was an unrealistic goal but that didn’t mean it didn’t momentarily divert his attention back to the task in hand.  
There was a hushed buzz in the library as a good portion of students milled about with their daemons close beside them. Some worked in groups, others were almost completely hidden behind the mountain of books they had accumulated, and some like himself, worked independently with a whole table dedicated to their use. He gently thumbed the pocket watch within his coat as the slow feeling of nervous anticipation began building in him.  
Breathe he voiced inside his mind, following the instruction a second later by inhaling deeply. Then exhaling.  
He set down the quill, stretching out his fingers and held onto the watch with his other hand and gently took it out. Its gold gleamed from the light that shone through from the ceiling lights, a mechanical whooshing being faintly picked up by his ears, as the semi-circular frames revolved around a ball of electric current. He quickly opened the watch to the check the time. As if it had changed during the ten years I’ve had it, he mentally chided. It read 13 minutes past nine. It was getting to be early in the afternoon.  
Looking at the clock that hung from the ceiling it declared the time as seventeen minutes to 2. Just over an hour then.  
He put it back, his thoughts only briefly stopping on the half red and half white star that etched in the middle of it. Not now he told himself.  
Bucky felt like he was no where near done. It wasn’t true, of course. Bucky had been working on his thesis for months now. It was only a few weeks till he had to present it to his teachers. He worked hard to earn a place in Oxford, even though some said it had been handed to him.  
The prevention of antagonism of outside forces within the East would have led to the preservation of knowledge and civilization allowing the Eastern forces to eventually surpass Western development. Even after he reread his opening statement for must have been the fiftieth time he still felt a slight feeling of pride rush through him.  
He remembered with fondness the day as he debated the topic hotly with Dr Erskine in his office. It was late in the evening and somehow, they had ended up discussing the east’s political relations that spiralled into the development and hindrance of Eastern civilization and ending up with Bucky nearly knocking his chair back as he stood to make a point.  
‘‘-re distinctly territorial and the House of Wisdom was one of the most prominent hubs of knowledge. When the Mongols attacked it wasn’t just attacking an army or homes or people. They made a point of obliterating the civilization and most importantly the culture during the siege. It was a strategic attack, one that left future generations immensely vulnerable and unable to recover.’’  
He had already been speaking for several minutes now unthinking of the passage of time, while Erskine listened intently. Suddenly, he realised he was standing. When did that happen? he recalled thinking that day. His heartbeat was a little quicker and his breathing was deep. Awkwardly, he made his way back to his chair, not yet sitting but simply placing a hand on the back taking, an even breath to get a semblance of control. He was getting worked over nothing.  
He glanced back at Erskine who regarded him with an amused smile and gently swirled the wine glass in his hand. He had offered some to Bucky as well who had politely accepted as a show of social convention. In hindsight, that was probably not the best idea, but the evening was possibly all the better for it. Slowly Erskine took a sip and broke the silence with a glint in his eyes and a smile playing on his lips.  
‘‘I do believe you’ve found a topic Mr Barnes, don’t you think Dana?’’ He directed the last part to his daemon who was perched on a bird stand on his desk.  
She was a tawny owl with piercing black eyes who always gave off an intimidating aura. It felt like a huge contrast to the nature of the good doctor. She had said nothing as he expected and so he turned back his attention to Erskine when the realisation hit him, and he shared a look with his daemon  
‘‘You were doing that on purpose,’’ he stated rather than asked. Erskine had let him ramble about a topic he knew, very well, Bucky had been most keen to learn about but found too intimidating to actually take apart on paper.  
‘‘I don’t know what you mean.’’ Erskine countered, feigning innocence, but Bucky could see the smile he was definitively not doing his best to hide.  
That’s all it took for him and the next second both he and Erskine began laughing whole heartedly. Bucky closed his eyes and hunched over the chair. He leaned his weight on his right arm that had remained unmoving for the past several moments, still chuckling. It felt so good to laugh. He knew he wasn’t exactly liberal with his emotions but the noise coming from somewhere deep within him almost felt like it shook him awake. He looked up to see that Erskine had one hand folded against himself and the other resting lightly on his mouth making no effort to hide the laugh coming from him. For several minutes they kept laughing, simply enjoying the moment and each other’s company.  
As the laughter died down he noticed that he’d been staring, but still, he couldn’t let himself tear his eyes away. Slowly he straightened and went back around to sit on his chair. He looked around the room, taking it in.  
‘‘I’ve missed this,’’ he said surprising even himself with the sheer honesty behind his words.  
For more years than he could count Erskine had been what one can call a pseudo father to him. No. His actual father. After the fall of Hydra so many of the children were without homes. The College and so many of the professors considered it their duty, to say the least, to take the children in and under their wing. None were so keen however, than Dr Erskine. Nor so unconditionally kind. After the ordeal he was so gentle with the children, including Bucky himself, who had already lost their parents and now had gone through… that.  
He’d grown up within the grounds of the College along with Nat and Tony and Clint and…  
No Azura, we’re not thinking about that.  
He looked tiredly at his daemon who gracefully lied on the carpeted forest green floor throughout the duration of the evening. She’s a beautiful snow leopard, striking in fact. Her eyes are a beautiful shade of grey, a feature they both shared even when his daemon had not settled. A reflection of himself. She stood out, they stood out, no matter where they were, looking quite clearly, the picture of sophistication. But now, less so, as Azura held the end of her fluffy tail in her mouth, once more ignoring Bucky and Bucky looking rather untidy himself, with his tie loose, top two shirt buttons open and his hair falling loosely out of his hair bun. His eyes looked tired with visible but not too prominent bags under his eyes.  
‘‘As have I James. As have I.’’ Erskine smiled, but failed to conceal the tiredness so visible in the way he held himself, mirroring Bucky’s own. ‘‘But perhaps that might not be the case one day. Soon as we all get a chance, we’ll all go to the North. But until then, you’ve got so many people to keep you company Nat and Tony, Clint, Sam…’’  
And Steve he thought. Between them, it remained unsaid. There was a moment of silence. It hung so delicately in the air, vibrating in company with the ticking of the wall clock in the room. All too quickly he felt like it was broken.  
‘‘He’ll be back next year James.’’  
He spoke too soon.  
Bucky shifted on his feet, suddenly unsure. The air felt heavier now. He knew this was coming. He expected it. God. Steve. It’d been years. Ten years this winter. Like Bucky hadn’t been keeping count. It’d been so long since he last saw him. Since he last heard his voice. He used to be so small and sick all the time.  
He missed him.  
‘‘Ye…yeah, ’’ his voice croaked suddenly sounding too detached to his own ears. Like it wasn’t his own. He flushed at how it sounded, realising that Erskine would have to be blind not to see through him. ‘‘Yeah, I know,’’ he continued more firmly this time, attempting for an air of nonchalance. It’s a weak attempt to make it seem like he was unbothered, and Erskine didn’t buy it. Thankfully, he didn’t mention it.  
Instead, he came around to the front of the desk and leaned his hips against it, with his arms hovering next to him, and then lightly placed them on the edge of the desk. It was darker now in the room then when he came in a few hours ago. The light to Bucky’s right flickered on, casting a gentle shadow of it to his right side and illuminating Erskine’s left. It glowed a light blue as the electricity hummed in the air. The light seemed to strike against the wooden panels on the wall as Erskine regarded Bucky with a curious expression. Bucky ducked his head to get away from that all too seeing gaze of his. The light would show how his eyes glistened, stinging slightly. He was eerily still as he listened for what came next.  
‘‘How about you get something to eat? And while you’re at it, perhaps a few hours sleep might be useful,’’ Erskine gently whispered into the room.  
It was an all too clear change of topic and Bucky was all too grateful. He stood up huffing a laugh, pretending to be alright and mumbled an affirmation to Erskine’s suggestion. Then he moved to hug the man goodnight and quickly retreated to his bedroom with Azura next to his side. That night he had barely gotten any sleep, much to the disdain of Azura, as his thoughts drifted to one young, blonde haired man.  
He was staring again. This time, boring a whole in the book in front of him. He sighed. He’d been zoning out a lot these days. Thoughts always wandering back to one thing. Person his mind corrected. He needed to stop. This was getting depressing.  
He turned his head, looking out the window a few feet in front of him. He watched as the river flowed noiselessly. He could see a few ferries with their elongated bodies floating high in the sky just above the building of the Magisterium. The blue electric glow casting light on the back of it. He could see them travelling at a steady speed. It was probably one of the models Tony consulted on. Not too long now.  
Finally, he tore his gaze away from the outside. He reached for the piece of paper he was writing on and read the sentence.  
The siege of Baghdad thump thump thump the intellectual capital of the ancient world thump thump thump is yet another example thump of loss of major written materi- OOF!  
What the hell.  
He looked up from the paper just in time to see the door of the library bursting open.  
Oh no.  
Clint barged in and without an ounce of self-respect, cupped his hands around his mouth and yelled with the as much strength as he could muster, ‘‘HEY BUCKYYYYY’’  
You have got to be kidding me.  
‘‘BUCKYYY!’’ he repeated.  
Really Clint? Again? Here, now?  
‘‘Hey, BUCK!’’ Clint began for the third time.  
He stood near the doors, barely inside and continued his best to summon Bucky. He, however was frozen in his seat, eyes wide, watching the entire thing play out. He had almost been glad he was up in the balcony area today rather than near the doors where his embarrassment would have been tenfold. Not that it was much better where he was.  
Several heads had turned towards Clint regarding him with confusion, exasperation and even amusement. People were obviously staring at Clint with their undivided attention, but he was relentless, increasing the volume of his voice and even asking some of the people nearby if he’d seen someone called Bucky.  
‘‘He’s about this high,’’ he indicted just above his head with his hand to a few people who sat huddled together on a table, ‘‘dark hair, always has a confused puppy look on his face. No? Oh, no worries. Thanks, though. I’m sure he’s around here somewhere.’’  
Bucky groaned into his hands. Under the table he saw Azura giving him a smirk or as much one as a snow leopard could give.  
‘‘It’s not funny,’’ he said under his breath. Of course, from anyone’s perspective but his own, it really was. Azura simply rolled over on her side taking a causal interest with the happenings around her.  
He started when Sam came over and pulled up a chair next to him, half trying to conceal his glee over how entertaining he found Clint’s antics and Bucky’s embarrassment.  
‘‘I think someone’s looking for you,’’ he drawled, no longer hiding that he was enjoying this.  
‘‘You think?’’ Bucky retorted.  
‘‘Come on, man. He looks miserable without you.’’  
Sam could not be further from the truth. Bucky glanced down. He was close enough to see that as Clint continued calling out his name the smirk on his face got bigger and bigger. So, Clint had been voted as the distraction today. Although, he was a welcome distraction.  
For the past couple of weeks Bucky had been feeling increasingly nervous. His thesis and not to mention that today wasn’t an ordinary day after all, he felt tense. And his friends had picked up on it, starting with Nat. She noticed that he was beginning to spend an almost unhealthy amount of time there. Not that Bucky didn’t have reason to, his thesis wasn’t going to write itself. So, this is what his friends did. Dare each other to drag Bucky out of the library when he decided to stay hidden too long.  
It wasn’t intentional on Bucky’s part. It just happened when he got too absorbed in his work and his friends knew that and had made some sort of secret rota to help him remember that the library wasn’t the only place in the universe. Really, he appreciated it more than he could ever say.  
Bucky saw Sam, out of the corner of his eye, whisper something to his daemon, a falcon, who swooped down to where Clint stood. Clint’s daemon, a hawk, that had once been perched on his shoulder and was now flying over head and met halfway with Sam’s. They flew around one another looking to be having an unspoken conversation, then turned back to their respective men.  
Bucky saw when Clint looked up to where he was sat and immediately howled his name again and gestured for him to come down. Bucky resigned himself to his fate. He was not getting his thesis done anytime soon. He began packing his stuff into his satchel and turned to face Sam with mock exasperation. Sam simply began walking backwards, mouthing ‘you’re welcome’ at him.  
Bucky gave him in an unimpressed look that soon dissolved into a smile. To be fair, he expected this. Instead he asked, ‘‘Are you going to be there later?’’ his heart picking up pace.  
‘‘Yeah, of course.’’ After a few seconds of what must have been hesitation, Sam asked, ‘‘Are you?’’  
Bucky felt a twinge in his stomach. ‘‘Wouldn’t miss it.’’ It wasn’t a lie, but it made him sound he had his wits about him. He hadn’t.  
He picked up his bag and headed down with Azura close to him. As soon as he reached him, Clint threw his arm around his shoulders and lead him out the double doors, talking animatedly throughout as they walked down the hall, at the end of which, he saw a familiar tuft of red hair.  
‘‘Hey so remember that one time when we were fifteen and Nat dared me to juggle Erskine’s leather-bound journals-’’  
‘‘No, I distinctly remember you saying ‘Nat, dare me to juggle those leather-bound journals’ and she said ‘No, you’ll break something’’  
‘‘-and it was going really well and I got like five going at the same time and then tripped and I dropped one on all the those ugly vase and that old radio-’’ Clint continued.  
‘‘And then they all came crashing down much like the wrath of that maid who had to clean it all up,’’ he said, a smile forming on his lips as the memory came back to him. He smiled at Azura walking beside him. They did a lot of fun stuff when they were teenagers.  
‘‘You should’ve stopped me. I had to polish all the spoons that existed under the roof of this building for a week,’’ Clint joked.  
‘‘I did try and stop you. You said it was good idea and that it was gonna be funny. Only half of that statement was true though,’’ he said grinning but slightly confused as to why this was relevant right now.  
Clint huffed a laugh his face showing mock offense. He didn’t need to be told which part Bucky meant.  
‘‘Wait, what did you do?’’ Bucky asked suddenly feeling wary.  
‘‘Hey, I didn’t do anything. Seriously,’’ he urged when Bucky looked sceptical. ‘‘But you know how I would’ve been in so much more trouble if you hadn’t fixed that radio?’’  
‘‘What did you break?’’ his voice stretched out the last word as they reached the end of the hall. Nat stood facing them with her arms folded leaning against the wall outside the door to cupboard. Her short red hair fell around her face in loose curls and the black and dress she wore hugged her small figure. She was the same age as both he and Clint, slender and sweet looking. But that was an utter contrast to her personality. Her fox daemon sat behind her heels as she spoke up clearly having been following the conversation.  
‘‘Surprisingly, he didn’t,’’ Nat said.  
‘‘Why do I find that hard to believe,’’ Bucky said.  
‘‘As much as I’d like to agree with you,’’ she joked giving a light and a fond smile towards Clint, ‘‘this time it was Tony’s fault. He finally finished working on his invention, the one with the metal tracks that attached to the ceiling, ‘‘she clarified after seeing Bucky’s confusion, ‘‘and decided to let Clint use it to move the projector to the main room. Test run wasn’t exactly successful, something must have gone wrong and it dropped the projector and then well… fell apart.’’  
‘Wait, is that what I heard before?’’ Bucky asked connecting the dots.  
‘‘Yep.’’ Tony emerged from behind the door followed by a lynx and then a puff of smoke that he quickly went back to check over. He tried to stomp out the fire that was building but to no avail. Nat grabbed a sheet from somewhere inside and began beating on the fire with it and eventually, it died out.  
‘‘Thanks,’’ Tony said after a second and moved to open a window to let the smoke out.  
‘‘Wait, did you say projector?’’ Bucky asked, remembering what Nat said minutes before. ‘‘Like the projector we need…’’ he trailed off looked around for a clock only to be denied one.  
‘‘About fifty minutes?’’ Clint finished, putting back his watch in his pocket.  
‘‘Sorry my fault,’’ said Tony hands going up in a placating gesture. ‘‘Bruce is busy in the lab, so I asked Clint to find you ‘cause you’re the next best person who knows their way around fixing these things.’’  
‘‘You should’ve seen it though. It was hilarious. It nearly fell on us and then it actually caught on fire! Oh god it was so funny,’’ Clint bubbled out, a bit too cheerful regarding the prospect of what could have been the cause of injury.  
‘‘Ahem.’’ Nat audibly coughed, not so subtly trying to change the subject.  
‘‘Right, sorry,’’ Clint amended.  
‘‘Buck, could you please look at the projector? It’s just the one and I really need to sort the rest of,’’ he gestured vaguely around him, ‘‘this, before it becomes even more of a hazard. Think of it as getting some fresh air.’’  
‘‘We’re inside,’’ Clint piped up.  
Tony glared at Clint. ‘‘Figure of speech. You’ve been cooped up in that library for ages now you need something to get your mind off… stuff.’’  
He didn’t say any further. The others stayed where they were and looked at him expectantly. Bucky knew what they were doing. Talk about coincidence. Next to reading, fixing up stuff was the most calming thing he liked doing. There was no doubt how much it would help him take his mind of stuff.  
‘‘Okay fine.’’ He said, not like he would ever refuse. ‘‘Where is it? I need to see how bad it is.’’  
‘‘Thanks Buck. I knew I can count on you,’’ immediate relief showing on his face as he clapped Bucky on the shoulder. He moved to get his metal contraption and then moved out of the way to let Bucky inside. He stood in the frame of the door as Bucky went in followed by his daemon . The projector was spread on the floor so he bent down to look at it.  
‘‘You owe me one,’’ Bucky said after a minute or so.  
‘‘Yeah, yeah, I’ll swipe you some cake from the kitchen when I get a chance,’’ Tony replied easily.  
‘‘And some from Nat. Chocolate,’’ he replied, his hands deftly moving around the projector.  
‘‘Hey what about me?’’ Clint’s voice echoed over Tony’s shoulder.  
‘‘You swipe cake for yourself any chance you get. You shouldn’t have more,’’ Nat stated, amusement coating her voice.  
‘‘Touché.’’  
Bucky saw Tony and his daemon leave out of the corner of his eye and be replaced by Clint and Nat’s huddled figures and then he went back to work, taking of his coat and rolling up his sleeves.  
It was one of the newer models. Long and lean and made of a silver and gold metal looking somewhat like a cross between a telescope and a spyglass. It was held up on a three-legged metal stand about a foot high from the floor and an array of lenses were embedded in it gleaming, in the sunlight. In the middle, it separated for the junction where the glass slides that held the photos were placed. One end of it was fitted with a round orb that was cracked from one side. Apart from that the outside of it seemed to be okay so he leaned back on his heels and took out the compartment where the glass slides went in. Opening it further he saw that the small bulb inside that broken too.  
‘‘Okay, so, as far as I can see, it can still work, but both its bulbs need to be replaced but I think it should be good to go after that.’’  
‘‘I’ll go get those from Tony’s lab,’’ Clint volunteered already moving.  
Nat and Bucky shared a look. ‘‘I’ll go with him in case he breaks something,’’ she said with a sigh.  
‘‘I’m not completely helpless,’’ came a voice from a few feet away.  
Nat just gave Bucky another look and they started forwards. Bucky watched them leave, their daemons playfully proceeding ahead of them. He stepped out of the cupboard and began strolling down the hall with his daemon. It was nice to see how at ease the two of them were with each other. Although they weren’t one for an abundant display of affection when in public, there was certainly no doubt about it that they were perfect for each other.  
Bucky stopped in front of the window as something caught his eye. Azura stood on hind legs, her paws resting on the window sill as they both saw the ferry arrive. Much like the others it was massive, red and gold. It slowly descended and came to a stop just above the front grounds, stairs immediately being placed towards the entrance and he saw people emerge from it.  
So, this was it.  
Coming down the stairs first, he noticed, was a woman. She walked with her head held high a leopard daemon right next to her. Peggy, he guessed. She was with someone. Next to her. Broad shouldered and tall. He was facing away from him though, so he couldn’t be sure. Or so he told himself sharing a gaze with his daemon. He turned away, he didn’t want to think about it if he could help it; he’d have plenty of chance later, and immediately ran into to something causing him to fall to the ground.  
Someone, his mind provided helpfully.  
‘‘I am so sorry, I wasn’t looking where I was going and oh god, are you okay?’’ someone asked him from above and he realised he was sprawled on the floor. A hand came to help him up, but Bucky kept his head down not yet taking it, instead when he saw that there were a few glass orbs on the floor he began to collect them to put them back in the box.  
‘‘No don’t worry about it. I’m fine. My fault, too.’’ He said a bit too quiet to his own ears but hoped it was loud enough for the person in front of him to hear.  
Some time, the hand before him silently descended and they both silently started putting the orbs back in the box and then the man awkwardly got up.  
‘‘Sorry-’’  
‘‘I’m sorry-’’  
This was going so well. Bucky could just feel his face heating.  
‘‘Uh, thanks for the help.’’ He heard from in front of him.  
‘‘No problem,’’ he said. It wasn’t such common knowledge, but Bucky was actually a very shy person, always a bit too nervous to be around others but finally he looked up.  
In front of him was a young man around the same age as him. Beneath his pristine suit Bucky could see that he was well toned, and he had an immediate strong aura to him. Blonde hair peeking out from underneath his hat, and an eye-catching blue crystal necklace hanging from his neck just above the knot of the tie. But more noticeable was the daemon next to him. A snow leopard. Much like his own.  
No. It couldn’t be. The ferry just landed.  
He finally took the hand the man had offered to him again and stood up. He smiled at him and then quickly ducked out of the way, before Bucky could manage to get a good look at his face, heading back to wherever it was he was going. Bucky was frozen in place.  
Did he see a glint of blue around his neck or was that just his imagination? Abruptly he turned around expecting the man to be still there, but he saw no one. Surely, it wasn’t a snow leopard. And even if it was, it’s not like they’re that uncommon. Not that much.  
He was jolted out of his thoughts when he heard footsteps and went back. Nat and Clint were heading back his way. He took the bulb from them and began adjusting them inside. But his thoughts were drifting. When he was done he and Clint hoisted the projector to the main room, Nat leading the way to open the doors, where Tony was already present.  
It wasn’t a very big room, but it was certainly big enough. The Main Room was where the College Council sat to hear proposals and the most recent discoveries. A large rectangular wooden table sat in the middle, the polished surface reflecting the sunlight coming from the massive windows to the right. The room was carpeted, and thick green velvet curtains hung, pulled open where Tony was stood looking out.  
When he saw them coming inside he immediately straightened and walked to the corner of the table whispering a thanks and putting the projector down on the table with Clint’s help. At the other end of the table he saw the same box from earlier.  
‘‘I had a quick chance to meet him. A few minutes ago, actually.’’  
‘‘Yeah?’’ Clint asked  
‘‘Yeah. Peggy too. That is until Fury dragged them away,’’ he scoffed.  
Bucky didn’t say that anything about the fact that he had me him too. A few minutes ago, Tony said. Like himself. Maybe it wasn’t him.  
He was brought out of his reverie when he noticed the room began filling up. People from the Magisterium, the scholars from the college, students. Bucky began to feel a nervousness rush over him and unintentionally he began searching the room.  
He was fine.  
Nat looked at him and took him aside by the hand. ‘‘You okay?’’ she whispered squeezing his hand reassuringly.  
He shook his head just slightly. She would’ve missed it, had she blinked.  
‘‘Hey, it’ll be okay. Don’t worry.’’  
He breathed out through his mouth. ‘‘Yeah. Yeah I know.’’  
He saw Tony motion for them to take a seat as he manoeuvred the projector. He would oversee its use today. H aimed it at the wall on the other side of the room that was deliberately left blank.  
There was a hushed buzz in the room as people made idle conversation. He escorted Nat to a chair, pulling it out but then went to the back of the room, preferring to stand. He told himself it wasn’t because he wanted to hide or be as far away as possible. A good majority of people were standing due to the lack of chairs. It was after all not every day that someone from the Royal Arctic Institute came to present their findings on a two-year expedition. He looked at Azura and gently scratched her behind the ear. Trying to calm himself.  
As the room filled to nearly full capacity, at the front of the room a door opened. It was in the left corner next to the blank wall and he saw three people and there daemons step out, followed by Master Fury and the black wolf that trailed him everywhere. Peggy. Her father. And Steve, the faint shadow of a snow leopard just next to him. Steve pulled out a chair for Peggy her father sitting across from her. Steve remained standing.  
Bucky sucked in a breath and Azura leaned onto his legs.  
Fury went to the other end of the table where a chair had been left untaken and gestured for the lights to be dimmed and immediately people moved to do so and pull back the thick velvet curtains. They began.  
‘‘Proposing to the council today is Steven Grant Rogers from the Royal Arctic Institute, about Dust, the purpose, properties and discoveries. Mr Rogers, if you will.’’  
So, it really was him that he had ran into earlier. Steve Rogers, tall, lean and unarguably gorgeous, that same blue crystal hanging from his neck.  
Clint came to stand next to him and signed this’ll be interesting. The back door opened silently, and Bruce shuffled in beside him. A hummingbird peeked its head from his breast pocket. From across the room Bucky caught Sam’s eye and nodded.  
‘‘Thank you, Master Fury. Along with my studies at the Royal Arctic Institute, my experience there also consisted of the Northern lights expedition which lasted for two years. The expedition which was carried out with the esteemed Carter family and allowed us to explore one of the most interesting phenomena our world has to offer. Dust.’’ He shifted looking like he was taking in the view to the room.  
‘‘Dust has been around in our world for several millennia but it is only recently that we have grasped some understanding of it.’’ A pause, ‘‘and it is my belief that the purpose of it is to show the truth.’’  
‘‘Mr Rogers, how, pray tell, can Dust reveal the truth? For centuries we have established that it’s not a conscious entity. For it to be doing so, would you say it is?’’ A man from the Magisterium interrupted. Bucky had seen him around before. He was a pale man who’s sharp smile left those around him with a quiet apprehension. Alexander Pierce, from the Magisterium was all Bucky despised in the governing authority. A coyote had placed itself next to his chair, her eyes glowing an unnerving yellowish green  
‘‘No, not conscious, not like you and me. But alive yes.’’ Steve said coolly.  
‘‘These are images taken at the Arctic just a few months ago.’’ He rolled a clear glass ball on the surface of the table towards Tony, who caught it and put it in the projector. Immediately the wall in front him lit up with the picture projected on to it of the arctic. It was a snowscape that had a few rows of glowing circles on the surface. Northern lights lit up the sky in an ethereal show of colour. And there was… Dust. A steady shower of shimmery gold powder coming from the sky falling onto the snow.  
‘‘For the past two years the expedition has included trying to collect Dust and understand its behaviour. Working tirelessly for more than a decade the scholars at the North developed these devices, he pointed to the picture, to adequately collect Dust.’’ He reached in his pocket and held up a vial no bigger than his hands. ‘‘And this is what we gained.’’  
Steve rolled another glass ball which Tony readily placed inside the projector to reveal the inside of a cave.  
‘‘Mr Rogers, you can’t be serious. Two years of work and that’s all you have, to show for it?’’ someone else from the Magisterium spoke up.  
Not rude at all Sam signed from across the room. Bucky and Clint snickered.  
Steve’s lips quirked just slightly and then he turned to the wall as the projector blinked. It showed a picture of a dark cave. A few figures sat huddled close together on the ground.  
‘No it isn’t,’’ his eyed the man dangerously. ‘‘For four days we were trapped here,’’ he gestured to the picture. ‘‘Inside that cave. Four days. We tried but we couldn’t get out of there, until, of course, we used Dust.’’ The projector changed as Tony plucked a blue orb and Bucky saw the Steve on the wall slowly drop a small amount of shimmery powder into the snow and waited. As he did he saw it shift slowly and then move and move and seemingly formed a trail. A path leading out. He watched in fascination as they emerged from the darkness of the cave and came out the other side with a spectacular view of the aurora.  
‘‘Another instance it allowed us to find the sky witches, so we could heal one of our own,’’ he smiled towards Peggy.  
‘‘And another where it helped me understand it by directing me to join the expedition in the first place. Before I did, I was at the Arctic for six months, but I was far away from the direct influence of the Northern Lights. I had a strong belief that I had been in no contact with Dust. Until, we saw this.’’  
He rolled another clear glass rob towards Tony who caught it just as it rolled over the edge. When he inserted it, the picture came out rather blurry and fuzzy at the edges but the figure in the middle was clear enough.  
Steve let them simmer in silence until it was Erskine who broke the silence, ‘‘Mr Rogers, what exactly are we looking at?’’  
When did he get here?  
Steve reached into his inner coat pocket and brought out a spy glass and set it on the table. ‘‘This picture had been taken on one of the evenings the Northern Lights were especially strong.’’ He paused for a moment looking like he was contemplating something. Bucky thought that for a moment his gaze flicked to where he stood but it was too dark where he was for him to have seen him properly. He fidgeted nonetheless.  
‘‘This spyglass was specifically created by the Institute to view Dust but it was only on that day did it work with such degree of clarity,’’ he said almost to himself.  
The picture was of Steve, standing in the snow next to his daemon or at least something that resembled its shape but sparkled, intensely, gold. Maybe it was just Bucky’s imagination, but he thought he saw a faint gold spark on Steve as well, who stood half turning towards the camera. Just a bit. Around his neck.  
‘‘I believe you all are aware of Miss Carter and her work on the Fundamentals of Daemons.’’  
‘‘Anyone who’s anyone in this building knows Miss Carter,’’ Tony piped, and Bucky saw him give Peggy a wink.  
‘‘Arguably, your work has defined a generation Miss Carter,’’ Bruce said. It was almost surprising as never put the spotlight on himself.  
Steve smiled. ‘‘That day she was led outside by Dust in much the same manner as when we got out of the cave, and she was able to decipher something that most of us have been trying to understand for centuries. The inherent connection between daemons and Dust. Miss Carter was in pursuit of this; we hypothesised that Demons are made of Dust. And we found out.’’  
‘‘Two months ago, on our journey though the arctic we discovered something unique. As we all know a daemon is the physical manifestation of a person’s soul and when a person dies their daemon simply vanishes into thin air. When we were conducting one of our experiments one of our team members had a heart attack.’’ A flicker of hurt passed on his face, almost unnoticeable but Bucky knew Steve. Guess some things always stay the same.  
He rolled another blue orb towards Tony who caught it. His eyes were slightly wide and both he and his daemon had tilted their head slightly, moving quietly. Bucky turned his head back to the front when Steve spoke up.  
‘‘We took a photo and saw that his daemon didn’t disappear. Instead the daemon turned into dust.’’  
There were audible gasps. Shock held the room still with the revelation.  
The picture shifted, and it was clearly visible how the lynx daemon slowly dissolved into a Dust, almost evaporating into the air.  
It played on a loop a few times, people shifted in their chairs, their daemons moving with the same franticness they had in them, trying to get a better until Steve spoke up again. ‘‘On that day we witnessed both the death of Howard Stark, but in his death, also took a stride into the future. His life was dedicated to the understanding the purpose of Dust and to understand the truth it communicated and learn from it. Our daemons play an important role it as they are the truth of ourselves reflected back. It is our plan to continue this work and I believe that by studying both we will be able to find out a lot about our world, each other and perhaps, most importantly, ourselves. The expedition was long, but it is now that we know that we are far from finished.’’  
When everyone had settled down, it was Master Fury who spoke up. He appeared to be having a silent conversation with the other members of the Magisterium and then stood up. ‘‘In all my time as the Master of the College, I believe that I have never been left speechless.’’ He looked at Steve with a level gaze and continued, ‘‘The Council has decided... that we would be honoured to have you.’’  
There was a round of clapping and people moved to talk to Steve clapping him on the back and shoulder. Some moved around to where Peggy was but kept a respectful distance, simply out of intimidation rather than anything else. Peggy had away of scaring people unintentionally. Steve on the other hand had an easy smile on him, greeting and talking to people he’d never met and some he had. Sam and Fury were next to him.  
The lights turned back on and Bucky blinked. Next to him Clint let out a low whistle, the motion imitated by the daemon on his shoulder. ‘‘Wow that was… something.’’  
‘‘You’re telling me, the man left Fury speechless. Fury!’’ said Tony coming towards them from where he had been. His eyes glistened but he blinked a few times, and he seemed much more composed.  
‘‘To be fair, what he said would have left anyone speechless.’’ said Bruce gently taking off his glasses and wiping them with a cloth before replacing them.  
‘‘Looks like Wilsons on tour guide duty.’’ Tony said nodding towards Sam, already setting into an easy stance after hearing about Howard.  
‘‘Not like he would have actually forgotten his way around here though,’’ Clint said as he stretched out.  
‘‘You never know,’’ Bucky mumbled his voice coming out hollow to his own ears. Something was clawing at his insides and he desperately wanted to get away. He was going to have to meet him soon, but when he looked over at the other end of the room and saw Steve and Sam look their way the dam broke and he was pushing his way out. He wanted to get away, so he walked back to his bedroom, not looking back for one moment, Azura right next to him.  
Immediately he fell on his bed and curled up next to his daemon seeping in her warmth. What was he doing? Not only was he being selfish and had left is friend, but he had outright ran away. He was ashamed, and he wanted to go back and fix everything. But he didn’t.  
You can’t avoid him forever he heard Azura’s voice.  
I can certainly try.  
And what good has that done?  
‘‘None,’’ he said trying to keep the tears threatening to spill over at bay. He hugged her closer, wishing never to let go.  
He woke up a few hours later to Nat gently shaking him awake. Her daemon was gently licking behind Azura’s ears in an attempt to wake her.  
‘‘Come on, Barnes. You need to come eat.’’ She was talking gently to him, as if it would break whatever stillness that had settled in his room. A wrong word or a wrong move and he would feel that familiar feeling of desperation again.  
He felt heavy as he got up, a dull throbbing behind his eyes refusing to let him move quicker. He knew his eyes were bloodshot and he avoided looking at Nat directly. Nat didn’t comment. They simply walked down hand in hand to dining hall to have dinner where most people had already sat and began eating. He took a seat between Nat, who was facing Clint, and Sam. He himself faced Tony.  
‘‘Sorry about leaving earlier,’’ his voice came out hoarse.  
Tony shook his head. ‘‘No, it’s okay. I didn’t stay long either,’’ Tony said eyes warm.  
Bucky felt a stab in his chest. Tony shouldn’t be saying that. He shouldn’t have just left him like that. Guilt must have shown on his face because Tony felt the need to continue. To comfort him.  
‘‘Really, Buck. It’s fine,’’ and gave him a smile.  
Bucky nodded, keeping his gaze on Tony for a few seconds. He looked sad when he turned to his daemon, a paw resting on his knee, having a secret exchange. No comfort Bucky could have provided would have been greater than that of his daemon, so he finally turned away. The guilt still churned in his gut making his mouth go sour, but he made himself eat.  
The dining hall was busy tonight. Well busier. They were sat at the front, along a long table with the other Council members, a privilege considered by some but not really. They were children of the College. They had grown up here, it was almost natural. Several long tables were set up perpendicular to them, down the hall where the students sat.  
It was dark now, just past seven. The days were getting longer but it still got dark quickly. He would have liked to have gone out and look at the stars, pretending he could see the Northern lights from where he was. He used to do that with Steve and the others when they were younger. Now, not so much.  
For now, though, he would settle for what hung above him. Something that took years to finally finish.  
An Orrery was their idea, as children, to be the decoration to be placed in the dining hall. It balanced delicately from the ceiling, moving with a peaceful grace. In the middle, the sun lit up softly with a yellow hue, illuminating the room. Around it various gears and metal shaped poles held and moved the planets and the moons revolving around them. Crystal shards hung too, sparkling beautifully, like stars around it. It was truly stunning, and every time Bucky looked at it who couldn’t help feeling being a bit lost. Mesmerised by just how close the stars had taken residence near him.  
Steve wouldn’t have seen it yet, he thought offhandedly.  
But he’s seen other things. Like the Northern Lights.  
He was so lost in his thoughts, he didn’t even notice the scrape of the chair until Nat nudged him with her elbow. Steve sat in front of Sam with Dr Erskine. On Sam’s left Peggy came a second later, taking the seat opposite Erskine. The two of them began talking enthusiastically and shortly Bruce came over and joined them as well. He nearly jumped when Erskine spoke up, addressing everyone on the table, his daemon watching them all intensely from his shoulder.  
‘‘I’m sure after dinner we would all like to catch up with you both. If, of course, that is okay. I’d imagine you’re quite weary from you travels.’’  
‘‘I’d love to. Catch up. It feels like it’s been too long,’’ Steve said.  
‘‘I’d be delighted as well, Doctor,’’ added Peggy.  
Bucky realised that he was staring again. He turned his gaze away but this time it locked onto his daemon who had rested his head in his lap. He gently carded his fingers through her hair.  
When he looked up he saw that Steve was staring at him.  
‘‘So how’ve you two been, Buck?’’ he asked almost cautiously. It was difficult to take his eyes away from the blue crystal around his neck but somehow he managed.  
‘‘Not bad. Yeah. Obviously, got a place in Oxford. History. It’s good. Azura’s a bit bored though.’’ He laughed trying his best to engage with Steve.  
‘‘I told him he should have studied mechanics with me. Didn’t listen. Spends all his days in the library now,’’ Tony mentioned casually, smirking behind his glass of wine.  
‘‘Well Tony you spend your days in the lab, so I don’t think that’s a fair comparison,’’ Bruce argued from his end of the table.  
Bucky smiled. He was glad it was easy conversation. ‘‘I enjoy it. And I do keep a healthy interest in what you do as well, Tony. I still like learning about machines and how they work.’’  
‘‘He designed one of the telescopes with me for the astronomy students.’’ Tony said almost conspiratorially to Steve, as Erskine nodded along.  
‘‘And he worked on the light systems,’’ Clint added pointing above them.  
‘‘Both with the help of Tony and the other students. I’m not actually that great with all this stuff,’’ Bucky began suddenly feeling very self-conscious.  
Steve looked up. For a moment he held his breath, viewing it with almost child-like wonder. He was probably taking it in, for the first time, now.  
‘‘He’s being modest.’’ Nat commented. And then playfully nudged Bucky with her shoulder.  
Bucky smiled and tried to avoid eye contact when Steve looked back down. Eventually, when he looked up he saw that Steve was looking at him with a sweet smile.  
‘‘So, Steve, how are you doing these days? I mean you’re looking much better these days it’s seems. Tell me what’s your secret?’’ Tony cut through with no warning.  
For a few moments the conversation around them had stopped, and everyone looked between Tony and Steve. They all knew what he was talking about though and had unintentionally stopped to listen.  
Not everyone was privy to the truth.  
About 10 years ago, when Steve Rogers had left, the atmosphere of the College visibly changed. Of course, he had to, whisked away by the gracious and loving Carter family, having no choice in the matter, being as sickly as he was. 10 years ago, Steve Rogers virtually left the college being on Death’s door and today he was as healthy as they come. No asthma, no signs of weakness.  
Ten years.  
It wasn’t impossible, but it was still miraculous all the same.  
When they’d all found out that Steve would be okay, more than okay, the wind felt like it was knocked out of Bucky’s lungs, and he had to grip the wall as he heaved a breath he didn’t know he was holding.  
Steve coughed and then turned to flash a smile at everyone. ‘‘The Institute was incredibly helpful. They did a lot to treat me and well I guess it worked,’’ he laughed shifting around his chair and then think better of it.  
It was Peggy who broke the silence next, ‘‘It took a long time, of course. Several years in fact. But we got through it. Together.’’  
‘‘I bet,’’ was all that Tony said and Bucky wondered what he was thinking but didn’t voice. They all resumed what they were doing soon after, not wanting to acknowledge the tension from a few minutes ago.  
The rest of the evening was spent in relative silence and small talk. People kept coming over to talk to Steve and debate their opinion on the days earlier revelations. Nearly the entire hall was filled with chatter over the two people from the Royal Arctic Institute. Bucky wanted to speak to Steve, but it seemed that he wouldn’t get much of a chance. He started to stand, but Nat gave him a look as Steve excused himself from yet another fan.  
‘‘Shall we?’’ Erskine announced.  
Oh right, he’d forgotten.  
They all made their way to Erskine’s office, all nine of them in total, much like when they were children. Their daemons had settled now though so it was different he thought as he looked around, his eyes fixing on Steve. His hand brushed the back of his daemon softly and he smiled kindly and continued on, not having noticed Bucky staring.  
As they filed in Bucky noticed they were all sitting in their favourite spots on the sofas as well. Bucky sat next to Tony who had just come back with Erskine with a variation of alcohol and glasses.  
‘‘So how long will you be staying here,’’ Nat began.  
‘‘Until Steve and I finish our research really. That vial of Dust we brought is the only one we currently have, and it must be used for several tests but that can only be done in Oxford.’’ She sipped on something Bucky couldn’t quite tell and then continued, ‘‘Due to the external stimulus, the North causes some of the testing equipment to be rather-’’  
‘‘Useless?’’ Clint provided around a glass of bourbon causing everyone to laugh. He was staring at one of the photos of them as children, outside, on the grounds of the College. It was a lovely picture, Bucky remembered and most of them always sopped to admire it.  
‘‘Aptly put,’’ she replied. ‘‘But work still needs to be done there, so I’m afraid my stay will be short. I will, unfortunately, be leaving soon to woman the fort at the North.’’ She relaxed on the sofa taking off her heels and gave a gentle smile to her daemon.  
‘‘We need to try the experiments elsewhere, outside the magnetic influence that the North has. We tried different things there, but the results were… inconclusive,’’ Steve finished.  
‘‘Well my lab-’’ Tony began  
‘‘Ahem,’’ came Bruce’s voice.  
‘‘Our lab, my bad, is at your disposal for whenever you need it. Just don’t blow up anything. Who am I kidding,’’ Tony pointed at Steve, with a gleeful smile, ‘‘We should make a day of it.’’  
‘‘Now Tony, after this afternoon’s events I don’t think that’s a good idea,’’ Erskine cut in smoothly.  
‘‘Events?’’ Steve asked confused.  
‘‘Tony decided to use one of his inventions to move a projector, it didn’t go well,’’ Nat offered.  
‘‘If you call falling and nearly crushing us ‘not going well’ then yeah it did not go well.’’ Clint mused.  
‘‘It wasn’t that bad!’’ Tony declared  
‘‘Keep telling yourself that man,’’ said Sam.  
‘‘Yeah, you made me go and find Bucky cos he had to fix the projector ‘cause it caught on fire!’’ Clint shouted from across the room. He had been standing next to the shelf next to the far wall for some time. When he came back he looked tired, something hidden in the palm of his hand and took a seat next to Steve. Bucky didn’t ask what it was.  
‘‘Okay firstly, the projector did not catch on fire, it was fine it just needed a bit of a repair job, which I would have done, if I weren’t done putting out the other fire, that I guess I did cause.’’ Tony pointed out.  
‘‘I told you,’’ Clint whispered to Steve. They all laughed. It felt so good to be here like this. Like old times. As though nothing had changed.  
‘‘How’d you even find out about that?’’ Tony asked turning towards Erskine.  
‘‘News travels fast in these walls,’’ Erskine hinted and gave them a knowing look.  
‘‘Well I’m glad James was around to help. We would’ve lost daylight trying to find another projector compatible with our apparatus.’’ Peggy said startling him.  
‘‘It was no, it wasn’t a big deal. I’m just glad I could help,’’ he shrugged taking a gulp of his drink.  
He stayed quiet the rest of the evening, listening intently, but rarely joining in or initiating a conversation. His head felt a bit woolly as he finished another glass and looking around for a clock. His hand roamed over to his pocket again, but he jerked it away when he heard his name again.  
‘‘Well perhaps, Tony and James can assist you in your research of Dust. Bruce is unfortunately unavailable, if I am correct, but I’m sure Bucky would be happy to assist. Wouldn’t you?’’ Erskine looked at him.  
Bucky froze. He felt eyes on him and Tony and began feeling steadily more and more anxious.  
‘‘Well I’d love to!’’ Tony announced trying to keep reduce the tension Bucky was visibly in. ‘‘What say you, Bucky? Help out with the research?’’ he said in the same cheerfulness although much calmer.  
‘‘Yeah, yeah of course.’’ The words were out of his mouth before he could do anything. ‘‘I mean, I might be able to. I have to finish up my thesis, I might, I am trying to focus on that, but I’m nearly done, so, yeah,’’ he finished shakily  
What did he just agree to?  
Steve beamed at him. ‘‘That sounds great. I look forward to that,’’ he said with much to enthusiasm.  
The rest of the time passed in a haze. At one point he had seemingly sat up on corner of the sofa, his elbow on the side, his hand holding up his head. He kept stealing glances towards Steve throughout the night, remembering how his face broke out in a huge smile. His hand lightly brushed Azura’s fur as she lay curled up, head on his lap. Nat petted his hair some time later, holding her daemon in her hands, and told him that they were all heading to bed.  
He saw Tony and Bruce silently shuffle out followed by Sam, Clint, daemons perched on their shoulders. He began walking out with his shoulder touching Nat’s. He cast a look towards Steve, Peggy and Erskine still talking in a quiet intimate bubble, their daemons exceptionally close in that same space, and he felt a familiar tug at his heart. He turned around and willed himself to not look back and headed towards his room.  
Upon reaching it, he gave Nat a quick hug careful not to touch her daemon, and went in. Closing the door shut behind him and he rested his elbow against it and then put his forehead on it. He breathed deeply for a few minutes, then slowly slid down to his knees. He stayed like that for a few minutes until Azura nudged her face to his and he let the tears slowly fall again and he held her close.  
‘‘How can I let myself fall for him, Azura, when he nearly died last time, and it was my fault?’’

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this fic! i hope you had fun reading it! please let me know in the comments below and please leave a kudos. it'll really help me out by motivating me to write the next chapter which is underway. Really, even if you comment kudos I'll appreciate it a lot. Please be nice btw, i appreciate constructive criticism, just be nice about it.  
> In the next couple of chapters we'll be looking at Steve and Bucky's relationship a bit more.


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